I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
