We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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