DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
