Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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