Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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