I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i now understand why vodka
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
