This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
