He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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