i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
