He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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