i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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