I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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