Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
