I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize