I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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