So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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