So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
