at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
