we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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