The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
