I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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