I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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