my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
