Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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