Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
