So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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