OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
