Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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