every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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