Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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