Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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