So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
