I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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