If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
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I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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