Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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