Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
