I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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