Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
