wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize