I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
