your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
