i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
