um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
