You're completely useless in the revolution.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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