I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
