mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
