Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
