so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
