Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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