My friends, they love my intelligence
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
