the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
