I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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