I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
