Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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