My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
