I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
